Category Archives: The Single Life

Brownie in a Mug. Oh yes.

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So tonight I made the legendary Brownie in a Mug that I’ve seen pinned time and time again. With a few changes. Walk with me…

In place of dairy milk I used soy milk. Only because I bought some and the use by date is coming up quickly. I also used dark chocolate chips instead of milk chocolate. Because that’s healthier. And that’s exactly what brownies are about is health. I also used only 2 Tbsp of oil.

Looking good…

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Ooh looks like brownie batter!
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Ok– a little spongey but the texture isn’t too bad. With ice cream it would be pretty spectacular.
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I don’t have any ice cream, so I throw a marshmallow on top of the next mug. 20140408-202323.jpg
All in all, a successful pin. And definitely great for us singles when we start craving something sweet! Ok Pinterest, I’m on the road to trusting you again…

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Dating – stop being too nice

So a mutual friend kind of introduced me to a guy who she thought would suit me. (We shall call him Mike. As in Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.)

Anyway, I should have been tipped off that we were different people when he texted me the following: “Hey this is Mike. [friend] jus gave me ur number jus wanted too say hey sorry it’s so late”. He also spelled our mutual friend’s name wrong. I wrote it off as rushed guy texting and swore not to hold it against him.

So we text a little for a day or so and he calls me. I answer. He is yelling and cussing a lot – mainly about other drivers but also about his drive thru service. I wonder at his slurred sound if he is drunk. He shouts at me to tell him where I live as he is headed my way. I don’t want to. He can’t hear me. I already might have plans. He keeps yelling at me over the roar of his diesel truck. I give up and tell him where I live.

Now let’s pause a moment. I realize I sound like a moron at this point. I really did not want to meet up with this guy and actually already had talked about making plans with a friend but she wouldn’t make up her mind for like an hour. And I was cornered. I’m a people pleaser. And I don’t like confrontation.

Back to the story…Mike pulls up to my house in the largest and loudest truck I’ve ever seen and heard. It sounds like a tractor pull is taking place in my driveway. He sits in the truck. I eventually worry that my neighbors will be annoyed and wander out to the truck where he is frantically throwing trash from the passenger seat and floorboards into the back seat. I say I really can’t come as I might have plans, I’m just waiting on my friend to text me back. He tells me to get in, we’ll just take a drive and talk. (Yes, I realize I’m very naïve.)

We drive. Engine noise and smell come through a hole in the dash. He smells like he has been drinking already. The exhaust is made to sound loud as well. I cannot hear a thing he is saying and we are screaming. Also, he is very dirty from work, which isn’t generally a big deal but he wants to hang in public. We go to a restaurant bar and he orders the special, which is a 32 oz. beer. We sit mostly in silence as I endure his slow sips of beer. I lament that I have to work early. The third time I mention this, he asks if I’m ready to go. I am relieved. “Yes.

We leave and as we pull out he turns the opposite way from my house. I remind him that my home is the other way. He says he knows but that he wants to drive around and talk. I get nervous. I again remind him that I need to get to bed like now. He starts saying I must not like him and that he will never see me again.

I lie. I tell him I like him just fine it’s just that I have to make work a priority. His driving scares the batshit outta me and I realize his complaining about others’ driving earlier is because they were in his way as he drove down the center of the road.

I make it home, I quickly stick my hand out and shake his hand and get the hell outta that loud truck. I’ve still texted him back but I don’t answer the phone when he calls. I don’t have the guts to tell him that it isn’t going to work out. Long story short, I’m bad at dating as well as breaking it off.
)

The simple pleasures in life

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Call me crazy, but one of the most simple and wonderful activities for me is hanging clothes on the line. It brings to mind hot summer days as a child, riding my bike back and forth through the cool, damp clothes.

It takes me back to when when I cloth diapered my babies and hanging the cloth diapers on the clothesline was one of my few personal pleasures, a moment in the sun to myself.

Lastly, it reminds me of my grandma. The simple pleasures in life that bring you happiness are invaluable indeed.

This weekend, I finally replaced my rusted and fallen traditional style clothesline with a new umbrella type that screams city dweller. However as I rushed home at lunch to hang out sheets to dry in the sun and wind, my dress heels poking into the ground, I found my zen.

Spanx–proceed with caution

At the end of a long workday…and after a day of killing it in my little black dress (yeow!), I thought I was going to finally have to make the “Help, I can’t get out of my spanx” phone call to a friend. While removing my black undergarment, it got kinda stuck below my shoulders and my thumbs became entangled with my arms wrapped around me. In essence, I was locked into a Spanx straight jacket. This went on for several minutes, resulting in sweating from the effort, which didn’t help matters. After some pretty intense struggling, I was able to free myself. That was a close one.

My friends should still consider themselves on call as the weekend is approaching.

Don’t scare me…a cautionary tale

As a result of my ex-husband constantly scaring me, I have developed an uncontrollable startle reaction. He loved to hide and scare me, come home early and psychologically terrorize me…just generally scare the crap out of me purely for his own enjoyment. In sharing this with my girl friends, I find this is a common male talent/past time. Also…excessive tickling and sticking their finger in your mouth when you yawn.

Why do they do these things?! I’m not going to be able answer that today, but what I am going to do is give an example of the havoc this can wreak on a woman’s psyche.

Fast forward a year after my divorce. I’m at work. I’m alone in the office. I’m on the phone with a client discussing their case. Suddenly, an arm reaches around me and gently places a paper on my desk relevant to my phone conversation. I did the natural thing and screamed into my client’s ear like I was being stabbed. My boss stood there wide eyed and wary, not understanding what just happened. The client freaks out asking if I’m okay. I am stunned and embarrassed at my instinctual reaction. Too ashamed to explain that I screamed at a helpful arm, I stutter out, “Uh, something fell and scared me.” Not my most professional moment.

These days, my boss tries to walk loudly on the carpet when coming into my office. If he comes in when I don’t expect him, he makes a lot of noise so as to avoid another screaming situation. Let me tell you, divorce isn’t the answer unless there is no other option, but thank God I can relax in my own home without fear of some jerkwad hiding in the closet.

And this, friends, is why I’m single.

Dating through heartache

This be serious.

So you’re still hung up on someone. Maybe it’s an ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, or just someone you grew too attached to. I recently posted about dating despite not feeling ready or emotionally open. I went on a second date and I’m still just not there. But I’m hopeful that some day I will be. In the meantime, even though I want to cancel at the last minute and put on my comfy sweats, I will keep going on dates until I either find a partner I enjoy spending time with…or until I decide it is no longer what I want. Having a loving yet borderline IQ dog helps too.

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On the subject of dating: A Serial Killer

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Until very recently, my last date was with a UPS delivery man who we shall call Dexter. And the reason for that specific name is that I had been on a Dexter Netflix bender and I was pretty sure my date was going to kill me.

Here’s the story.

The evening started off as a quick meetup for drinks after I got out of Wednesday night church. Because I’m very busy and that’s how I roll.

After a drink or two and some pretty good conversation, Dexter inquired as to whether I like ice cream. He became very serious and still as he awaited my verdict about this ice cream. I sensed a potential deal breaker here. So I chose an extreme side and responded with an over-the-top,”Hell yes, I love ice cream!” Apparently, I said the right thing because his little blue eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he said, “you wanna go get some? Like right now?”

Listen, no one wants ice cream after having beer but I am a people pleaser and I say yes again. Over the top still but maybe a little more restrained. I ride with him, because if I have to choke down ice cream and let it melt on the beer foam in my stomach, I’m gonna do it in the comfort of the shotgun side. And yes, I yelled shotgun even though there was no one else with us.

So we drive across town to get the damned ice cream and drive around chatting as we eat. Dexter is a pretty good conversationalist and I relax and let the dessert fat go straight to my butt as the date progresses. Things are going nicely.

Until I suddenly realize we are now out of town on a dark, curvy road which I vaguely remember and I cannot recall Dexter’s last name. I casually mention that we are really getting out in the country and he responds, “yeah, you aren’t freaked out, are you? I once took a date down this road and she started freaking out and told me to take her back home.”

Red flag.

I summon all my false confidence and jovially state that I actually know exactly where we are and how I know the area pretty good (lies). Then, I pick up my phone in a subtle manner and text a girlfriend a description of the suspect and give her Dexter’s name and occupation. Do killers tell their real occupation to a target? Either way, I tell her I may be killed and the general area to search for my body. This is not exactly how the texts went, but it’s pretty close.

Anyway, we make our way back to town. I breathe a sigh of sweet relief as we head in the direction of my car. Just then he turns off and parks near a recently rebuilt park, most of which is well lit. He says it’s peaceful there. I agree. We sit and talk and enjoy the night.

Being the sweet girl that I am, I gather our sticky ice cream trash and open the door to take it to the park trash can. He gets out too and recommends a walk since the weather is nice. He’s right. I’ve been all anxious and uptight and he is just a romantic, sweet guy. I haven’t given him a real chance. The park is well lit and has new sidewalks. Despite my high heels, I agree.

We walk. Hand in hand. Staying close to keep warm when the wind picks up. It’s sweet. Romantic. He mentions wanting to go see the bridge at the far end. I agree and we head that way. I hear water. It’s dark over there. We are going off of the sidewalk. I’m unstable in my heels on the uneven ground and stumbling a little. The bridge is gone but a small waterfall is running. I get closer to see the water feature in the low light. Suddenly, he comes up behind me in the dark. I instantly have the thought that I have nothing to defend myself against an attack except my iPhone, which may help deflect a knife. I’m going to die.

Oh wait…he is rubbing my arms to warm me. We head back to his truck as I make a weak joke about how you can’t trust runners because they are always the first ones to find a body. He laughs.

I survive. Obviously.

I didn’t talk to Dexter much after that despite him texting me a few times about when we could hang out again. I probably shouldn’t watch shows about serial killers before a first date either. I felt bad for thinking the worst of such a nice person. Until he randomly texted me a pic of himself wearing a hoodie looking all creepy like the Unabomber. For no reason. I believe I dodged a bullet here.

Minimalism. Being real.

Okay– so this weekend, I tore open a bag I previously had stored. I was desperately seeking a pair of nude underwear that I forgot I needed to wear under white jeans! You ladies understand the situation. White unders are too white, colored are just THERE, nude are just right. And it was for a date so you know I had to bring it to the table!

Otherwise, I haven’t needed anything out of my bags of clothes I removed over a week ago. It’s refreshing. I also don’t feel stressed when choosing outfits (except for dates, which is gonna happen anyway).

And yes, the date went well! More on that later… 🙂

Dating…while still hung up on that one person

In my online travels this week, I stumbled upon a blog post that I didn’t even realize I needed to read.

So there’s this person. I like him. Like really, really like him. But there just isn’t a future for us. I’m resolved to that but dating just seems kind of hollow these days. So I stopped dating. It seemed unfair to the guy as well. I mean, my heart is elsewhere, right?

Well, Captain Awkward (loving the name) came through with some hella good advice. The last paragraph is straight up golden. Have a look-see here.