Running outdoors will kill you

After a winter of hammering out 5k’s left and right on the treadmill in the gym, I ventured out into the sunshine today with the intention of running 5 kilometers. Got my running tights on, my Mumford and Sons t-shirt on– to impress everyone with my incredible music taste, my Under Armour sunglasses (to disguise me so as to avoid the “I saw you having a seizure on Morse Park trail the other day” conversation). Even had my iPod in a sweet lil arm band thingy. Like a pro.

The 5k didn’t happen. I struggled through 2.5 miles (4 km) running only a quarter of that before becoming so fatigued, I started dragging my toes and increasing my likelihood of slamming face first into the ground about 500%. And oh the shinsplints. Also, how do you not get tangled in your own headphone cord when swinging your arms?

In short, outdoor running is unreasonably hard. Why was everything more difficult?! I even had to carry my car key in my sports bra. I’m pretty sure I have a permanent key print on my boob. Even after I’ve been on this couch netflixing for a good 3 hours.

Maybe I should take Larry the Dog so every time I am doubled over catching my breath, I’ll just pet him and everyone will think I’m a super great pet owner and not so out of shape that I’m trying not to collapse. I welcome your suggestions.


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